I started a blog!🤗
Yup, you heard that right. This blog has taken me over two years to make public. I honestly wasn't sure what to write about in the past aside from practical topics, and something kept holding me back from publishing my posts, but here I am today 5 months after losing my daughter, and I finally realized what I need to be writing about... Freedom and redepmtion from pain. Freedom and redemption from trials. freedom and redemption from unfair circumstances&Freedom and redemption from loss.
For those who know me you know my story, and what I've been through over the years in my life, but losing my daughter by far shook me, and put my life into question, but what it did not do was shake my faith. The reason for that is because in the past I would have handled facing this trial differently, and if it's anything I've learned from past pain it's that I don't want to live my life the way I did once before.
I have most of my content hidden right now, and other content I'm working on, but for now if you are interested in reading about the loss of my daughter I have part 1, and part 2 up, and I will continue to write more on this topic(grief)later on. Before you take a look, I'm here to tell you my blog is not perfect by any means, but it's a safe place to go to where I will be real, honest, and transparent with you. ❤️ (If you go to the link in my Bio you can find Part 1, and Part 2. And by the way I'm still in the works to get rid of ads, but until then I apologize for the annoyance they may bring).
Celebrated our Anniversary early this year! August 20th will be 3 years that I have been married to the love of my life. Looking back on each anniversary post I have posted in the past I have shared how difficult marriage has been for Taylor and I. I share the difficulty because I want people to know that marriage is not easy. You have to work at it. The truth is there have been plenty of times I questioned why God brought Taylor and I together, and truly thought about leaving because the pain we were facing in our marriage felt too painful. Marriage is about choosing the other person every day even when you don't feel like it. God first, and each other second is the most important piece of marriage! I want people to know that it's important to communicate healthy expectations, but that your spouse is not perfect, and when they fall short how you respond is what matters. You will marry someone just as imperfect as you, and be reminded each day that they are human and make mistakes just like you do. Marriage is a selfless commitment, and with effort it brings beautiful joy and reward to your life. The truth is this year has been the hardest year for Taylor and I. We lost our daughter, and now we are about to walk into the unknown as Taylor goes into an intense surgery, and we have a long road ahead of us with a 3-6 month recovery. I'm not sure why God has allowed us to face so much adversity in our marriage, and why He continues to allow grief, pain, and trials to seep into our marriage, and our family, but what I do know is that no one in this life can avoid suffering, but what we do with that suffering is what matters. After losing a child it truly sheds light on the important things in life, and all the little frustrations that add up in marriage aren't really as big as we make them out to be. I am reminded each day of how blessed and thankful I am to still have my husband by my side to walk through this life with me. I am thankful to still have my son to squeeze and love on every day. Instead of complaining about the hardships I choose to be thankful for all that God has given me, and all that I am still hopeful for. I love you forever and eternity babe. ❤️
Two weeks ago my husband and I lost our baby girl, and our son lost his baby sister. During labor it was confirmed she had no heartbeat, and through the excruciating pain of childbirth that I endured with the emotional pain that I had inside of me fearing the outcome they laid her on my chest lifeless, and she went to be with her Heavenly Father. These past two weeks have been the hardest two weeks Taylor and I have ever had to go through, and with the support from our family, church community, and friends we have been carried by people to help walk us through our grieving. I can't tell you how confusing it is to lose a child that was healthy inside of me for 9 months. I can't tell you I understand why God chose me to carry my precious Adalynn for 9 months only to take her away from us immediately. I can't explain the unbearable pain we feel, and the hole in our hearts that we will carry with us forever, but what I do know is Jesus needed her more than we did, and we feel some comfort knowing she is in a better place. We had her service yesterday to honor her little life she had for 9 months in my womb, and it was absolutely beautiful. If you are someone who has reached out to me and Taylor, who has helped bring us meals, helped with Adalynns service, and honoring her life, or someone who has been praying for us we are SO thankful for YOU. We feel the support, we feel the love, and we feel the prayers surrounding our family during this time. We will never understand why this happened, but we will not let Satan cause division in our marriage, in our family, and rob us from ever having joy again, and moving forward with our lives. Her name means Noble, and her middle name means light/lamp of the Lord, and she was a little light that impacted so many people's lives just with the short time of life she had in my belly for 9 months, and the hours we spent holding her after she passed.
Adalynn Neriah Sutliff, we will continue to honor you and you will live in our hearts forever. Because of the hope we have in Jesus we know we will see your precious face again in Heaven one day. We love you and miss you so much. ❤️
